Hazy Shade of Winter

Time, time, time, see what’s become of me

I normally don't use this space as a newsletter type post because I think what writers write about is far more interesting than the writers themselves. But as I near the ripe old age of 60, I find myself asking the question, "what do I want to be when I grow up?" From the outside looking in, that may seem an odd question. I have, after all, been a professional in the restaurant industry for over 45 years. One would think I answered that question a long time ago. Alas, for some of us, figuring out what we want to be when we grow up is as elusive as spotting a vegan in a steakhouse.

Since the age of 13, I have been paid to perform many jobs. In order they are, dishwasher, cook, grain bin builder, waiter, turkey herder, bartender, restaurant manager, roofer, catering manager, banquet manager, Gen. manager, NBA Stadium Suites manager, restaurant owner, Gen. contractor, Chef Instructor, Catering Director, POS sales manager, consultant, CFO, and writer. As I approach my own “Hazy Shade of Winter,” the one thing I know for certain is that I do not wish to add Walmart greeter to the end of that occupational list. As the old Simon & Garfunkel song begins, “Time, time, time, see what’s become of me?”

In addition to my paid experiences, I have been a single parent to three children and a board member to three nonprofits. I have maintained lifetime enthusiasm for the hobbies of golf, sailing, tennis, skiing and woodworking. Finally, and somewhat belatedly, I am preparing myself mentally and physically to capture the essence of a midlife crisis by adding motorcycling and kite boarding to my list of hobbies. Through this recent transformation, I have learned that diet and exercise can restore a body to a version of a former self. Sadly, neither of those activities regrows the hair on the top of one’s head.

I remember as a child getting the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up” from adults in my orbit. I hated it because I had no idea and at that young age, I could not come up with a profession that didn’t come with stupid follow up questions that I was ill prepared to answer. As I progressed to university, I had friends that seemingly had the big question of life down pat. They decided they would become a lawyer, a teacher, a sports caster, a chemist long before enrolling in university and approached their education with those goals specifically in mind. Not me, I wandered though university majors like I was shopping at a department store. I tried on several disciplines before ending up in the philosophy department. Philosophy departments, I have since learned, provides the net that catches all the non-specific career absolutist just before they are about to chuck the whole college thing down the drain. Though I finished my degree over thirty years ago and achieved gainful employment ever since, the big career question has remained yet unanswered.

With fear, great trepidation, and a heartfelt desire to answer the question, “what do I want to be when I grow up,” I have hired a life coach. To my readers, my life has been an open book (Parts I & II of Restaurant Management, the Myth, the Magic, the Math,) so it seemed that this transition in my life should be no different. Whatever comes out of this life coach exercise, will most certainly will be shared with my audience through this Substack aptly titled, "It Would Be Nice If…" Because, as I embark upon this journey, it certainly would be nice to know what the hell I want to be when I grow up!

For now, I will briefly share some of the exercises I am going through, partially for my own amusement, but more to inform others, who may be contemplating hiring a life coach, as to what the process may entail. I have been assigned homework that has me contemplating “Life’s Wheel,” answering “60 Ways to be Creative,” slogging through “101 Ways to Make a Difference,” and writing a “Personal Mission Statement.” I hold individual sessions with my coach, but unlike therapy, where the specialist prods me to talk about my troubled past and explain how I feel about it, my couch explores my interesting past and asks me what I liked about it. Simply put, my life coach is digging for the clues that make me happy. It is a far more enjoyable experience, and I can leave those skeletons safely tucked away in the dank catacombs of my mind.

Wish me luck and pray my life coach has the patience and perseverance of Saint Monica. It will not be an easy task to button down to the one thing that makes me happy. I have spent decades feverishly exploring the multitude of Earth’s cracks and crevasse. I have drunk life’s experiences with the fervor of a sailor on a weekend pass and I have consorted with gurus, mystics, and prophets to attain the meaning of life. All of this to no avail. However, I have never shied away from a challenge, especially a challenge brought by one who says, “I can’t do something.” So, I am curious and hopeful about this next chapter in my life. As the song goes:

Hang on to your hopes, my friend

That’s an easy thing to say

But if your hopes should pass away

Simply pretend that you can build them again