Why We Don’t Say Nice Things

The message is in the ears of the beholder

In Western societies, people are becoming invisible. Humans once seen and experienced in full size are now reduced to images on two and a half by five-inch screens. In real size we no longer interact. The risk versus reward ratio simply favors remaining silent whenever possible.

My new job has me working in an urban setting and traveling frequently. Now for me, walking the streets of the city, working out at the club and air travel have become solitary events among throngs of people. I have spent an entire airline flight sandwiched between two people and never made eye contact nor spoke a word to either of them. Working out at the club is the same, I go about my routine, avoiding eye contact, staying in my lane and out of sight. When maneuvering busy city streets, I have ear pods in and keep my eyes straight forward, as I walk past hundreds of individuals all doing the same. In my ambulation, the poor and the panhandlers are invisible most of all. If I turn the volume high enough, I can tune out all the city noises and escape into whatever story I selected to fill the human void.  Like Green Day, “I walk the streets alone.”

Why are we so alone among so many people? I tell myself that the 20-minute walk to and from the health club each day is valuable time. So, I multitask by listing to a podcast or setting my phone to read a long-form article. (Thank you, Substack, for bringing that writing genre back and making it available in an audible format.) The excuse I sell myself for this behavior is that because time is valuable, I must maximize it for efficiency and use it to improve myself by learning something while I walk the city street, fly the friendly skies or work my health club routine. But the truth is, the earphones just fill the silence, the void that is created when we live invisible lives. And the lack of eye contact is to avoid the uncomfortableness that occurs because we cannot say nice things.

I am the CFO of a small company. And like the last company I directed, the HR function falls under my leadership. I am tasked to lead the team in creating and maintaining company policies and procedures. Often, when an employee issue like a reprimand or termination comes up, I am the final decision-maker of its outcome. My brain is filled with volumes of HR rules and countless nightmarish examples of the hell companies go through when they fail to follow employment law. HR has reduced the workplace to the same type of solitary environment as the city streets. In fact, I would say the sterile workplace becomes bleaker as the individuals encountered there are reoccurring apparitions that must be interacted with to perform our daily tasks.

Years and years of HR overlords imposing employment law upon industry have created work environments where the invisible workers share common space. Countless individuals are forced into workplace sensitivity camps and instructed on these Draconian rules on verbal discourse. Basically, acceptable topics for casual conversation have been reduced to talking about the weather or last weekend's football game.

In our new world order, one is not allowed to make any comments that could be interpreted as unwanted, offensive or suggestive. The intentions of our discourse, as hammered home by joyless diversity managers, are entirely in the ears of the beholder. Through countless instructions, we are told we have no power to control another's interpretation of what we say. Being offended then is 100% in the ears of the recipient of a verbal exchange. Thus, when traveling the world at large, prudence dictates keeping your eyes and ears focused on the little screen and when it comes to workplace interactions, we are to be Joe Friday. It is all "Just the facts, ma'am," and no small talk.

With the risk of misinterpreted offense in the real-sized world being too great, we retreat to the safety of our miniature world. On the digital screen, we may linger as long as we wish to appreciate a person's smile, the clothes they wear or to craft a well thought out and totally benign (HR approved) response. In the real-sized world, pausing to admire a pretty smile or a person's dress puts one in the possible "creeper" category and in the here and now realm, we cannot hit the "delete" nor edit button on what we say.

I am assuming that people no longer dress for attention the real world either. They dress for attraction in the digital one. This is a phenomenon I have witnessed, especially on vacations, and it is not just the youth of our societies. Individuals, with camera phones in hand, spend vacations capturing staged photos on beaches, tourist attractions, in restaurants and on the streets in the presence of full-size and complete strangers. To comment on this behavior in real-time gets looks of consternation and discussion from the few who witness the photo shoot, yet the social media destination is for the world to see. It is the digital "likes" and comments that fill the human void that draw individuals to post. And in this endeavor, Facebook and Instagram are the gateway drugs to greater digital acceptance curated on sites like OnlyFans.

This concept of invisibility has followed into Western churches. But the roles are reversed. In church, the parishioners demand to be seen as they are the checkbook baring customers, and it is the pasters and elders that intentionally obscure the word of God so as not to offend their customers. I simply do not recall any sermon from the pulpit on the books of Judges or Revelations.

In Judges, the Bible recounts what happens in real time when people ignore God's word. We learn about the cycle of sin and resulting destruction that God allows at the hands of enemies when we become invisible to God's word a towards each other. One inescapable phrase in the Book of Judges is, "And everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” Given today's secular approach to "Crate and Barrel" Christianity, is there not a better message to preach from the pulpit than what happens when we go our own way then that as portrayed in the Book of Judges?

I think we could all use a little Revelations from time to time as well as I believe that Biblical book ties the prophesy of what will become if we continue the invisible path of "you do you Boo." Revelations projects that there will come a time when we must choose to follow the word of the Lord or the ways of the devil. Revelations predicts that we will fail that test thus putting in motion the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.

It has taken me a long time to see that the policies instilled within in our institutions that compelled us into silence out of fear of offense are truly there to silence our community with God. When the forces of evil get people invisible to each other in real size while believing they have agency in digital size, they are closer to ushering in end times. Because silencing speech is the root of this evil, there was never a more Divine inspired modern law than the First Amendment right to free speech.

The First Amendment has been under assault for many years now, and I contend that the minute it falls, the United States falls. We will not be conquered by some foreign army sent by God to dispense justice. The enemy is already here, and they are the ones chipping away at free speech. I pray that good men and women fight to protect our right to speech and that God's will for our nation is to remain the " shining city on the hill." Also, for me personally, I am removing "the cloak of invisibility." I will exit my digital safe space and travel back to real-sized interactions. I will not avoid eye contact nor real conversations. The weather is boring, and the MN Vikings are bound to disappoint, despite a 7-2 start of the season. There are far more exciting conversations to have face to face, and I believe God demands we have them. It is time to Make Saying Nice Things Great Again.